Advent

The semester is drawing to an end. As we enter into the season of advent, the start of a new liturgical year, I find myself reflecting about the past 15 weeks.

I don't know if it is because the bell curve is no longer applied at level 4000 modules, or if it is because I'm out of the race for a first class honors degree, or if it is the excess of free time I have from my withdrawal from the Boys' Brigade. But this semester has been by far the least stressful one in my life as an undergraduate. I'm not quite sure if this excesses in free time does me good for I seemed to have spent a significant amount of it mulling about things instead of doing things that are more productive. Perhaps my reflective stance is due to the transitions I'm going through. Some forced on me, others I chose.

This semester has also been one of self-discovery. That much satisfaction is derived from the exertion of oneself. When asked about my favorite module this semester, cognition would be my answer, without hesitation. But when probed deeper about what exactly do I like about cognition, I find myself at a loss. And in retrospection, I come up with reasons like cognition makes me feel clever, makes me feel like I'm actually learning something, and that I like how technical the papers were (Does that even make sense?!). I now think its because I'm applied myself to this module, because I've given so much of myself to it, because my self identity is tagged to it. My brain tricked me into believing that I like cognition because of there is cognitive dissonance in my giving so much time to a module so technical, a module so dull to my peers, a module so shunned by others. Much satisfaction is thus derived from hard work.

This semester has been one in which I gave more time to my friends. Late night suppers with Calvin have become a regular entry in my schedule. I have also met up with Arthur and apologized, albeit awkwardly, for disappearing from his life. To my dismay, our time together will be interrupted again when he goes to seminary in January. Ruth and Weishan have been awesome lunch mates, great friends to rant about schoolwork with, and wonderful company for outings to floral and book galleries. Apart from our regular jogs, meals, and studying together, Rong Sheng, Yan Han and Lip Tat continue to bully me of course. I have also tried to attend MMMonday cell group sessions with the Catholic society, and to be present for at least the officers' cell with my former churchies.

This advent, I hope, with God's help, to be able to reread and meditate on Luke's gospel. Also to spend more time with my family. To work on my thesis. To settle down with the peeps from St Ignatius.